Something really scary happened recently: my friend Bre had a baby. As in, a ten-toed, two-eyed being popped out of her and lives and breathes and we call him Theo. It’s the craziest shit ever.
All my life, I have been the first to go through just about everything, from full-time job and marriage, to buying a house and moving states. Which for years has made me the advice column with my friends on all the "what to do's" and "what not to do's". So when my Bre told me about our Theo, I was fully aware that I owed her big time.
I feel a little behind on this whole baby fever thing. All I know, is that if it's anything like puppy fever then I wholeheartedly can attest to that shit being real because I need to be semi-sedated when I see puppies in the park. Needless to say, everything about experiencing a desire and readiness with pregnancy, labor, and having offspring feels very foreign and scary to me. I really wanted to be there for my friend in her journey into motherhood, just like I'm sure my single friends really wanted to be there for me when I was planning a wedding at 18 and they were still in high school. But it's just hard. Because we are in totally different stages of life and desire. Even though I knew Bre was stepping into a season of life that I hoped to have in my future, I got pretty tripped up by the fact that everything was exponentially more scary because I wasn't there yet and for the first time I couldn't give her all the "what to do's" and "what not to do's".
When I met Bre at the hospital and got a glimpse of what labor was going to be like, my eyes got real big, I started to pit out, and then I seriously questioned if any human being could be worth this.
I watched my sweet, calm, content friend moan in pain, which led to me feeling dizzy and taking a lot of deep breaths. Once I realized that her mother-in-law may or may not be watching me just as closely as Bre….I had to leave....and call my mom and apologize asap.
Then Theo was here and in Bre's arms and I witnessed the craziest most beautiful thing: LOVE. Bre had an adoration and love for this baby who had done absolutely nothing to deserve her love. He actually had done the exact opposite and caused her immense pain... For awhile.
I was confused and shocked. I didn't anticipate the intense connection or the outpouring of love to break out of Bre with Theo. But it did.
From what I gather, this whole labor/pain thing is a curse. A curse on Eve and her daughters for believing Satan's lie that what God provides is not enough. I cry with Eve every time I believe it. But what I experienced with my friend is that God in His immense goodness made it also a mystery. A paradox. That woman would desire a child knowing the pain ahead, share her body for 9 months, be ripped open, AND THEN LOVE the undeserving baby regardless. Regardless of the damage done to her body. Regardless of who he becomes or what choices he makes.
I can't believe this love. This love that God allows a woman to experience. It makes me wonder if what God has made a curse He has also made our immense blessing. That we would realize through it, the immense desire He has for us, regardless of the pain He knew we were going to cause Him. That He was willing to share this life with us and be torn apart AND THEN LOVE us undeserving sons and daughters no matter whether we choose Him as our Father or not.
That's the freaking gospel. I know we always say God the Father but I think I just experienced God the Mother and believed all over again.